David's Bridal: An Invective

Today was a test of my will.

Given that I am a nanny, a story about a determined two year old who kept throwing mashed up carrots on the floor and putting them everywhere but her mouth should follow. But this is no such story.

This is a story about David's Bridal.

I had never been into a David's Bridal until about two years ago. One of my roommates was going to be a bridesmaid, and she invited the house along to her fitting. Cool, I thought, this should be fun. Right? I've never been a frou frou type of girl, but I love colors and fabrics and to a certain degree, glitz.

However, after entering the store, I was immediately overwhelmed. Mirrored walls lined the perimeter and off to the side one sales associate was talking a moderately over-weight lady into a buying a dress that obviously did not flatter her. I mean, I know you want to make a sale, but you're David's Bridal. Your store looks like a machine of dresses, and you're trying to talk her into the drop waist dress when probably an A-line would be so much prettier???

I digress.

Witnessing that exchange churned the contempt I was building for David's Bridal. Next, our roommate discovered that she would be charged an arm and a leg to have her dress altered. Maybe she could have just taken an arm and a leg from someone else and stuffed them into her dress to make it fit.

Upon, finally, leaving (I love decorative mirrors, but when I'm forced to stare at myself because I'm either looking at a white dress the size of Happy Birthday Cake a stripper can jump from or a giant mirrored wall...) I decided to never go back again. Weddings are a once (twice, thrice...) in a life time event, and they should be, to some degree, sacrosanct. Not just something to be mechanized and thrown to industry.

I wish I could say that my dealings with David's Bridal ended with that one godless trip. But as the fates would have it, I ended up back there today.

My brother recently proposed to his girlfriend, and I was asked to be one of the bridesmaids. I was thrilled. I've always wanted to be in a wedding. It may have started when my cousin was engaged and I was going to be her flower girl when I was five. And then the relationship went south and I didn't get to throw flower petals everywhere.

His now fiancee is a very creative girl, and I just assumed that she would be one of those cool brides who gives her bridesmaids a color and says, "Go forth and find an awesome dress that you love." I've known plenty of brides who have done that. They don't see the point in asking their bridesmaids to spend an asinine amount of money on something they'll never wear again, when weddings are expensive enough already.

Yet, about a week ago, I found a message in my facebook inbox directing me to my nearest David's Bridal to get fitted for my bridesmaid dress. Not only would I have to go in David's Bridal again, but I would be forced to spend my money there.

Well, I trudged in to get fitted today. (It doesn't help that it's a two store "strip mall," and the store next door is Trader Joe's. I felt like such a traitor walking into an economical giant, when I could have gone next door to buy locally grown produce.) Different David's Bridal than last time. This one is actually about two states away. Yet the same giant mirrored walls and enough tulle and glitter to keep a panda bear warm in the winter, and fashionable.

I spoke with about three different ladies before following an overly peppy woman to the back of the store to a dressing room, past still more mirrors. The lady told me she would be back to check on me in a few minutes. So, off comes my scarf, my gloves, my coat, my extra sweater (did it really have to be winter?). But I decided to leave on my neon striped knee socks for kicks. I stood in the dressing room waiting on the lady to come back. She eventually did, determined the dress fit me perfectly and said she'd meet me at the front. I went back into the dressing room to have a look at myself, and realized, there were no mirrors inside the dressing room. Are you fucking kidding me?

David's Bridal has enough mirrors to vomit its stomach like a sea anemone and be one of those mirrored sky scrapers, yet there are no mirrors inside their dressing rooms??? No. In other words, please come into the middle of the store to gaze at yourself, so everyone can see how beautiful you are, so we can perpetuate the idealized belief that weddings are just show.

Thank you, David's Bridal. I would really rather you were a sea anemone.