New horizons

I have a babysitting job this Saturday night! The parents are going to a Halloween party, the children will be in bed, and I'll be getting paid to read.

And it could turn into something regular.

And I am meeting another mom on Thursday to see about a potential job as well. Another mom told me she'd call last night, and hasn't, so I'm not holding out too much hope there. But.. people want me!

In other news, I open tomorrow.
Can you feel the drastic mood change?

And a change

I've come to realize in my life, based on past evidence, that when I come to a decision, I move quickly. That said, I've decided to look for another job.

Lina and I have talked about it a lot, and we've come to realize that a lot of my general unhappiness, my abounding stress, and my overall jumpy mood can be attributed to my job. It's just not a good fit for me. Not only does my bartending job not fulfill the part of me that desires to help people and be an influence in someone's life, I don't feel valued or appreciated.

I will admit, I have a horrible syndrome that causes me to believe I am capable of much more than I am, and this has caused me to do a half-assed job on things that were very important. However, I haven't done this here. I have worked and worked and worked. Training kicked my ass, but I kept at it. And the job is still kicking my ass. It's not that I can't do it. I just that I don't understand why I should continue to do it.

Of course, this decision has come after a ton of talking with Lina. Obviously I'm not going to put in my two weeks before I have something else to fall back on. But doesn't this make me look like a flighty person who can't keep down a job? Well.. maybe to some people. Lina said I would drive her crazy if she didn't know that the force behind this is my personality.

I'm looking into tutoring, nannying, and babysitting. A venue where I believe I will be appreciated for the work I do, where I'm not working forty hours a week over four days, and where I have a lot more of a say in the work I do. We'll see what happens. The current bartending situation is: today and tomorrow off. Wednesday starts a new "code," whatever that is (another reason to leave now--a lot of shit has hit the fan in the past week and no one is happy), and Saturday is an early morning mandatory meeting for all employees.

I'm sick of corporations. I need to stop trying to work for them.

And I actually think I'm going to do something about that.

Jobs jobs jobs

I am sitting curled up on the bed, eating ice cream straight out of the tub. People may rag on the Midwest, but you have to admit, it has damn good ice cream.

I don't have to leave for work for another half an hour, which is nice. But being a bartender has its drawbacks. I don't have weekends anymore. My days run together until I realize it's Friday because the restaurant is packed and people are praising the coming weekend. I smile and nod, and try to forget that I have to be there are 9am on Sunday to open. I do like the varying schedule though; sometimes I get to sleep in, sometimes I get to stay up late. The only annoying thing about that is it changes from week to week.

The other sometimes annoying thing is that I have to remind myself to like my job. These times don't happen often, usually it's after I've worked a full week and need a couple days off, but they come nonetheless.

Last week was a particularly trying week, as I had to work more hours to cover for a bartender who went on vacation, and I found myself thinking that my job was pointless. Sure, a lot of people love bartenders (Lina and I went to a newcomer's welcoming reception at the Episcopalian church we now are trying to call home, and it seemed everyone wanted to talk to me after they found out I was "tending bar" as the older men put it). And well, the people who come in to have their whiskey manhattans on the rocks no cherry don't think my job is pointless either. And I'm bringing home an income, right? So, I went on a research kick.

I am in love with the Meyers-Briggs typology indicator, so I turned to that first. I found out back when I was in high school that I am an INFJ, and I've periodically retaken the test to see if I still fall in that category. After digging around online a little, I discovered that my personality type is not driven by monetary success, and is drawn to careers that allow for creativity and interaction with other people, and INFJs enjoy analyzing relationships and working with people to develop their full potential.

There's a whole lot more to that, but basically, I discovered, I felt like my job was pointless because I wasn't helping anyone. I'm kind of back on the "right" track now though (you know, rent), and I'm looking into many possible career choices. After of course, being stable at this job for a while.

The small things

It's fall. And it's lovely.

This autumn is starting off magnificently, and I am trying to keep it as such. I haven't had a good fall since 2006 when I was just starting my undergrad degree.

A person I loved left my life, a person I would come to love entered it, and a person I probably should never have loved but did anyway would continue to complicate matters for then and for many years to come.

Fall is a complicated time for me. But there is currently a kitty curled up on my lap, and I can fully enjoy that.